


Is Anything Real?

by magic_peach



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Astral Projection, But Mostly Hurt, Danganronpa 2 characters are lab rats/experimented on, Future foundation is a science lab, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito-centric, Hospital Setting, Hurt No Comfort, I promise it'll make sense later, I'm not kidding HUGE canon difference, Izuru is Hajime's alter, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Illness, Nurse!Mukuro, Okay maybe a little comfort later, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Scientist!Junko, Self-Harm, This might be confusing to grasp at first but bear with me, Trauma, all the characters are constantly being mind-fucked, dissociative identity disorder Hinata Hajime, everyone is "sick", it's gonna be weird, multiple fake realities, some gore, will post TW in notes anytime I think the content is questionable, yeah idk what else to say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27923770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_peach/pseuds/magic_peach
Summary: Hajime Hinata is sick, he's always been sick. That's about all he really knows to be true. He often forgets who he is, why he is in the hospital, and who his family is. The one thing he doesn't forget is Nagito Komaeda; the boy who constantly haunts his dreams.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Will probably add more ship tags as they come up
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW! Mentions of self-inflicted blood and death. Contains a violent scene and mentions of past violence. There is also a hospital setting. The hospital setting is constant throughout the story so this is the only time I will place a warning for it, but I will post warnings any time there are mentions of violence or anything questionable. Will change rating if need be.

The blinding white light stung Hajime’s eyes. Wincing, the young boy covered his eyes with both hands, but that didn’t make the pain go away, his head was pounding. _‘Where am I…?’_ The boy panicked to himself. The more he thought, the more he realized that his surroundings weren’t the only thing that seemed out of place. _‘ **Who** am I…?’  
  
  
_The realization made him panic even more, and he hastily uncovered his eyes and blinked trying to adjust to his surroundings. It took everything in him not to cover his eyes again, to fall to his knees, to curl up in a ball and just hide. He endured it, and slowly but surely his vision adjusted. He inhaled deeply, having been holding his breath the entire adjustment process. He quickly stared down at his hands, hoping to jog his own memory. His hands were tanned, his nailed bitten down to the quick, they were notably shaking, and he wasn’t sure if it was a response to the pain he just endured or if he was afraid, maybe both.  
  
  
“Oh, Hajime…” A voice called out in an almost sing-song tone.  
  
Hajime jumped in response, terrified by the sudden addition of the mysterious voice. “Who are you? Show yourself!” He said, trying to sound firm and commanding, but his voice was involuntarily shaking.  
  
  
The voice laughed softly and somewhat ominously in response. “Who would have guessed that someone once called “the ultimate hope” could be scared of trash like me.”  
  
Hajime, no, Izuru…? No, _Hajime…_ ultimate hope…was that who he was? It all began flooding back and suddenly, all at once, he remembered. He remembered what felt like too much.  
This time he couldn’t tolerate the pain and he dropped to his knees and screamed, holding his head which was now throbbing ten times worse than it had been before. It was all coming back to him! Hope’s Peak Highschool, Jabberwock island, the killing game, his friends… oh god, his friends. When he remembered his friends, he placed the taunting voice instantly. He powered through the pain and looked up, scanning the white room for the location of the voice.  
  
  
“Nagito?” He said, timidly. The boy was nowhere to be seen, until he was suddenly right in front of Hajime, holding a pale white hand out to him.  
  
Hajime ignored the hand and stayed where he was, instead looking up at the sickly boy, meeting his greenish-grey eyes. Images of the very same boy tied, his mouth duct-taped over, wounds covering his body with a spear impaling him right down the middle flashed through Hajime’s mind—how was he alive?  
  
“Nagito, how are you—”  
  
The slightly taller boy cut him off. “Alive? Come on, Hajime. Must we go through this every time?”  
  
“Every…time…?” Hajime asked in shock.   
Before Hajime could question him further Nagito pressed his forehead against his, and all at once, his mind was flooding with so many conflicting memories of him and Nagito. Some on Jabberwock island, some not.  
  
He remembered waking up on the beach and Nagito smiling warmly at him, he remembered Nagito tied up on the floor taunting him, but he also remembered his hands interlocked with his, he remembered walking through a city, Christmas lights lighting the way as the two boys walked, hand-in-hand, and he remembered falling asleep next to him, holding Nagito while he sobbed into his chest and—  
  
He shook his head, opening his eyes before he would let himself accept any more of these memories.  
  
His chest hurt and he felt full of grief. When he looked at the other boy again tears were running silently down his cheeks although he was still smiling.  
  
“Hajime please…” Nagito said, sounding weak.  
  
Hajime fought the urge to reach forward and wipe the tears from the other boy’s face. Why was his reaction so instant? Why did something inside him scream at him to comfort Nagito?  
  
“Please just tell me you remember.”  
  
Hajime remembered. But for whatever reason, everything within himself told him to suppress it. He felt as if he knew something he wasn’t supposed to know. He stayed silent.  
  
“Hajime?” Nagito looked at him, his eyes desperate. “Please.”  
  
Hajime looked away from the boy, focusing on the empty white room the two of them stood in. It felt familiar, and then it hit him.  
  
“This is a dream.” Hajime stated.  
  
Nagito laughed. “You’re right.” He said, grimly. “But when you think about it, it’s just as real as anything else we’ve experienced.”  
  
“What do you—”  
  
“We’re out of time, Hajime.” Nagito cut him off again, he looked sad, but more strikingly, he looked afraid. “I’m sorry.”   
  
With a single swipe that was so quick that Hajime didn’t even have time to react, blood began spurting from Nagito’s throat, and he collapsed into Hajime’s arms. Hajime’s heart began pounding so hard and so fast that he was sure for a moment that it was going to beat out of his chest. He began to panic, and without having to think he pressed his hands against the wound that was inflicted on the other boy’s neck.  
Nagito choked on his own blood, and hot red liquid began seeping through Hajime’s fingers as he tried to save him.  
  
It was futile. You can’t just recover from a wound like that, especially not without medical attention. He tried until the very end though. He pressed his hands against the wound until he saw the light fade from Nagito’s eyes. He didn’t know what to feel. He felt so much, and yet nothing at all. He was numb.  
  
Then he woke up.  
  
Hajime sat up in bed gasping for air, his heart was still beating incredibly fast and he quickly began taking in his surroundings.  
  
“Nagito—” He cried out before he could stop himself, fear still overcoming him, dominating his mind from the dream.  
  
“Who’s Nagito?” A soft voice questioned.  
  
Hajime began to recognize his surroundings. He lied in a bed, and his arms had IVs placed in them. He was hooked to a monitor, and the room he was in was on the small side.  
There was a small TV mounted to the wall, there was a small changing area with a white curtain for privacy, and there was a small fridge in the corner of the room.  
There was a woman in scrubs sitting at his bedside, she was holding a needle in her hand, and there was a small table on wheels with other medical supplies, she seemed to be preparing t to inject him with something.  
  
The woman had short black hair, and kind looking grey eyes, but something inside Hajime told him to mistrust her.  
  
“Hajime?” The woman questioned him, concerned. “Is everything all right?”  
  
Hajime looked at his hands, almost expecting Nagito’s blood to still be on them.  
  
“I’m…fine.” He said slowly. “Where am I?”  
  
“The hospital.” The woman said, laughing a bit. “It’s okay, you’re always forgetting.”  
  
“Am I…sick?” Hajime asked, trying to understand his situation. His head was hurting, and he was trying to decern what was real and what wasn’t.  
  
“Yes.” The nurse said. “Hold out your arm, please.”  
  
He stared at the needle the nurse held. “Why?” He asked.  
  
“Your medicine.” The nurse replied.  
  
Hajime stared at the woman, and slowly he held his arm out to her. The nurse smiled at him kindly and injected him. It stung a little, but it was bearable. He just wished he remembered what was wrong with him and why he was in the hospital. He decided to ask to see if she would give him a straight answer.  
  
“Why am I here?” He asked.  
  
The nurse frowned a little. She seemed to pity Hajime. “Don’t worry.” She said, softly. “You normally remember after being awake for a couple of hours.”  
  
Hajime stared at her. So he often forgot? He lied back, starting to feel drowsy, possibly from whatever the nurse had just injected him with. He didn’t feel drowsy enough to fall back asleep, but he did feel his anxiety begin to dissipate.  
  
When the nurse saw him beginning to relax, she stood. “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit, okay?” She said. She began heading for the door, but then stopped, remembering something. “Oh The doctor will be visiting today, so once you start coming back to your senses, start preparing yourself to answer her questions.”  
  
Hajime stared at the blank wall, trying to make sense of it all. He didn’t know where he was, or why he was there. He barely remembered who he himself even was.  
  
The one thing he remembered clear as day was Nagito Komaeda.  
__  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime has his weekly check-in with the Doctor. Why does he constantly feel the need to lie? Why does he feel like he's keeping a secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW! Gaslighting.

“Your name?”  
  
“Hajime Hinata.”  
  
“Age?”  
  
“17.”  
  
“Date of birth?”  
  
“January 1st.”  
  
“Why are you here?”  
  
“I’m sick.”  
  
“Sick with what?”  
  
“Just…sick.”  
  
The doctor wrote something down on the clipboard, chuckling to herself. “Just sick, huh?” She asked, seeming sympathetic, although Hajime noted that it almost seemed as if she was feigning sympathy. He wrote it off as her being desensitized. She dealt with sick kids on the daily.  
  
“How are you feeling, Hajime?” She asked.  
  
“Fine.” He shrugged.  
  
“Nurse Ikusaba mentioned you seemed to be having nightmares again. True?” The doctor asked.  
  
Hajime shrugged again. “I guess. I don’t really remember them.” He lied.  
  
Doctor Enoshima had a strange look on her face but quickly hid it with the clipboard as she continued to write something.  
  
Hajime wasn’t sure why he lied. He constantly felt as if he was keeping a secret, but he didn’t know what the secret was.  
  
Ever since Hajime could remember he had been sick. This very same sickness killed his parents, or so he had been told, and he was pretty sure everyone else who resided inside this building (aside from doctors, nurses, and scientists) were in the same boat as him. He sort of had to accept that this was his reality, and he was pretty sure he was never going to get better. From his understanding the sickness that he had was rare, and there was no cure, and therefore the Future Foundation was working to cure that sickness. So his (as well as others) presence there was just as much about helping the scientists and doctors discover the cure as it was about getting better. Hajime had forgotten what it was like to be hopeful in regards to recovery, though. He pitied anyone else in his situation.  
  
Doctor Enoshima looked up from her clipboard again. “Don’t remember them, huh?” She asked, she seemed almost as if she was teasing. “You’re sure?”  
  
Hajime blinked, meeting the doctor’s blue eyes. He felt as though he was being tested and he wasn’t sure why. He began to feel irritated. “No, I don’t,” he said, “and frankly I’m not sure why you’re asking.”  
  
“Sorry.” Enoshima apologized quickly. “Just making small talk, Ikusaba mentioned you muttering a name in your sleep, and I just wanted to make sure that you're being properly medicated. It’s enough that you’re suffering while you’re awake, you shouldn’t have to when you’re asleep. But you’re right, I spoke out of turn.”  
  
Hajime sighed. He didn’t really have anything to say in reply to that.  
  
Enoshima asked him a couple of more questions about his general health before checking something off on her clipboard. “Okay, your vitals look good.”  
  
“So am I going to be allowed to move, then?” Hajime asked. “Or am I confined to this bed?”  
  
“That’s all up to you.” Enoshima shrugged. “If you’re feeling well enough, by all means. But if you push yourself and get bad again it’s going to set back the research.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah.” Hajime grumbled.  
  
He was sick of constantly being pressured, he was sick of always lying around.   
  
“Hajime, you need to take your health seriously.” Enoshima warned him.  
  
“Okay, I get it.” He snapped, feeling annoyed that she sounded as if she was scolding a child.  
  
Enoshima almost looked amused, which pissed Hajime off even more. But she said nothing.  
  
“Good talk.” She eventually said, slipping her clipboard under her arm. “Look, like I said. Take it easy.”   
  
She exited the room, leaving Hajime frustrated.  
  
* * *  
  
“You’re 100% sure you heard it, right?” Junko questioned her sister, feeling irritated. “Because Mukuro, that kid looked at me like I was crazy.”  
  
“What would I gain from making this up?” Mukuro defended herself against Junko, who seemed a step away from blowing up.  
  
“It’s not possible!” Junko protested. “That’s no fucking way. You realize if they all start remembering, shit is gonna start flying off the handle, right?”  
  
“R-right. I know.” Mukuro said.  
  
“Your job is to keep them from questioning. You realize if they all start unraveling, you’re literally failing to do your one fucking job.”  
  
“I’m not a nurse, Junko!” Mukuro snapped back, instantly regretting it as she realized the comment was most likely the final straw with Junko.   
  
Junko boiled over with anger.  
  
“No shit you’re not a nurse, I’m not a doctor!” She snapped. “These kids don’t need fucking nurses and doctors, you realize this is a façade, right? That the whole “sick” thing is just a cover story? "Not a nurse", of all fucking things to complain about.”  
  
Mukuro went quiet for a moment before speaking up. “I just meant that—”  
  
“Yeah, I know what you meant. You meant to make an excuse and now you’re upset that I’m not havin’ it.” Junko cut her off. “I make sure that you’re not wasting your potential as an asset to this company, you complain every step of the goddamn way, and now _I’m_ the shitty sister, right?”  
  
“No, you’re not.” Mukuro sighed trying to get her thoughts together. “I’m sorry. Maybe I misheard him, but I just don’t want another Komaeda situation on our hands. I’m paranoid.”  
  
Junko laughed. “That was just a fluke.” She stood up, getting ready to leave the room to get back to work. “Komaeda is Komaeda, there’s something fucking wrong with that kid. Trust me, as long as we’re keeping an eye on them, injecting them properly, and making sure they don’t ask too many questions it’s gonna be fine.”  
  
“But what if—”  
  
“Mukuro,” Junko said, getting irritated again, but she pushed it down, trying to appear sympathetic to her sister’s worries. “Stop it. Even if Hinata has lingering memories it’s just residue from that last experiment, it’ll go away.”  
  
She patted Mukuro’s shoulder half-heartedly before walking away. “Trust me.”  
  
Mukuro was left alone. She sighed, slumping up against the wall before letting herself slowly drift to the floor.  
  
“Just residue from the last experiment.” She repeated to herself, trying to soothe her own nerves.  
  
But she couldn’t help but think it was pretty unlikely that after living through all these different scenarios, realities, and essentially being around each other all their lives indirectly that these kids would continue to be blissfully unaware of each other and their situation. Mukuro knew that those memories had to be buried just below the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to add more to this chapter but it was going to be another change of subject/POV and I felt like more than two POV switches per chapter may be a bit much. Sorry this chapter is a bit uneventful. I'm just trying to sort of build everything up so that everyone gets a sense the plot and the situation. But you guys can let me know if you prefer quicker updates that are shorter like this one, or slower updates but with longer chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

The common area was more bustling than Hajime had remembered from his last visit. It had been a long time since he had felt well enough to be up and around, but he did remember that the last time he was out this area was more vacant than it was on this particular day.  
  
“Hajime!” A voice called out to him.  
  
Hajime turned to meet the eyes of the pink-haired boy sitting at a vacant table in the corner of the off-white-colored room. He wore white scrub-like pajamas that matched Hajime’s. Hajime sometimes wondered if there was a reason why these hospital-grade pajamas were so itchy and uncomfortable. He raised a hand and waved at his friend. Hajime was feeling restless, so he was going to continue his stroll around the common room, but his friend started gesturing him in his direction, which made Hajime cave and go sit across from him.  
  
“Hi Kazuichi,” Hajime said, restlessly. “How are you?”  
  
“How am I? Dude, how are you? I haven’t seen you in forever.” The pink-haired boy replied.  
  
Hajime wondered how he had so much energy.  
  
Kazuichi was Hajime’s first and really only friend that he had at this hospital. He was really the only one who seemed interested in talking, and everyone else seemed to be in a constant daze. To be fair, it was sort of the norm to be alone or maybe pair up and stick with one friend in this hospital. Most chose the former, but it wasn’t an anomaly, Hajime briefly remembered seeing a girl with grey hair and a boy with a blonde buzz cut once sitting together and talking in the common area, and anytime he saw one of them he was bound to see the other, but most patients walked around the common space or up and down the halls like zombies, that is, if they were well enough to be let out of their rooms at all.  
  
“I’m okay,” Hajime shrugged. “I got bad again for a while, my doctor only just gave me the okay to leave my bed again yesterday.”  
  
“That blows, sorry.” Kazuichi said. “What do you mean bad? Like, _bad,_ bad?”  
  
Hajime shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know.”  
  
Hajime didn’t remember much, he only remembered waking up, talking with the nurse or the doctor, and then falling back asleep, he felt unable to keep his eyes open most days.  
  
Kazuichi narrowed his eyes and looked like he was holding back to the urge to question Hajime more, but he learned early in their friendship that constant pestering would get on Hajime’s nerves, so some of the time he had enough self-control to just let subjects drop.  
  
“I’m just glad to have you back,” Kazuichi said. “No one else wants to talk like you do.”  
  
Hajime didn’t particularly want to talk either, but he didn’t express that in an attempt to spare the feelings of his friend. It wasn’t Kazuichi’s fault, it had nothing to do with him, Hajime just felt…strange, he thought to himself that maybe Enoshima was right when she told him that he had to take it easy on himself, just walking around, and now sitting at the table with his friend, he felt so…weighed down, like it was physically exhausting to even carry himself on his own two feet.  
  
“Dude…you okay?” Kazuichi questioned. “You look sick.”  
  
“Newsflash, genius, we’re all sick.” Hajime said, probably a little too harshly.  
  
“Sorry, I just mean. Like. You don’t seem like yourself.” Kazuichi clarified. “Is something wrong?”  
  
Images of Nagito slashing his throat and dying in his arms as he tried to stop the bleeding flashed through Hajime’s mind. He felt like throwing up, but he put on a brave face for Kazuichi.  
  
“Fine, it’s just…” Hajime placed a hand against his temple as if he was trying to push out the imagery. He hesitated before he was unable to stop himself from trying to seek some solidarity from the other boy. “Do you ever feel like something is missing?”  
  
“I mean, yeah.” Kazuichi agreed quickly. “It makes sense you would feel like that, we’ve been in the hospital basically our whole lives, I’m pretty sure everyone feels like they’re missing out—”  
  
“No, I mean like…” Hajime trailed off. “Forget it.”  
  
It was just too much energy to explain it to him, and something in his mind told him he really shouldn’t be talking about it to anyone, not even his friend.  
  
Kazuichi wasn’t always good at picking up social cues but he knew Hajime enough to realize something was wrong.  
  
“No, it’s fine, you can tell me!” He insisted. “Look, man. No one here is listening, it’s just you and me.”  
  
Hajime really didn’t want to continue this conversation, but he knew that if he didn’t cave now, he would never hear the end of it.  
  
“I just mean….” Hajime tried to think of the best way to word it. “Mentally, like, do you ever feel like you’re forgetting something really important?”  
  
Kazuichi stared at him in awe, trying to piece together what his friend meant by that.  
  
“Uh…I guess? Everyone forgets things sometimes.” He said, clearly not on the same wavelength as Hajime.  
  
This left Hajime more frustrated, and he could feel himself about to lash out at his friend, so he just made a mental note to drop it and wrap up the conversation nicely. “Yeah…okay, glad it isn’t just me.” He said, opting to pretend that Kazuichi’s interpretation of the conversation was correct even though it was off. Clearly, Kazuichi wasn’t experiencing anything like he was, and so unwittingly he had answered Hajime’s question, it was unfortunately just not what he wanted to hear.  
  
“No, yeah, like…I can barely remember what I eat for breakfast every day, let alone what I had for dinner the night before.” Kazuichi mused. “Like I think memory issues are a symptom of our sickness.”  
  
“Yeah, probably.” Hajime agreed, still feeling frustrated deep down. Kazuichi was talking about forgetting stupid things, Hajime felt like he was forgetting crucial life details.  
  
A girl in a white hospital gown with long blonde hair walked past the two of them, Kazuichi’s eyes followed her visibly as she walked by.  
  
“Damn.” Kazuichi sighed.  
  
“What?” Hajime asked.  
  
“Nothing, just, being in the hospital isn’t so bad after all.” He said, dreamily, practically drooling over another patient who had done nothing but casually walk by the table.  
  
Hajime rolled his eyes.  
  
“What?” Kazuichi pouted. “Is it a crime to look?”  
  
Hajime shook his head. “No, technically not.”  
  
He just couldn’t understand how Kazuichi had the energy to be horny in a place like this. It wasn’t like any of the patients were going to even bat an eye in his direction, let alone start any kind of relationship. Plus it kind of took a special kind of person to tolerate Kazuichi as a friend, let alone as a boyfriend.  
  
To Hajime’s dismay, the conversation was dragged on.  
  
“Look at it this way,” Kazuichi said. “We’re stuck here, probably until we pass away from this mystery sickness, so we’re not going anywhere, no one in our situation is going anywhere, how would it be productive for us all to die virgins?”  
  
“Who said I was a virgin?” Hajime replied without thinking.  
  
Kazuichi’s eyes grew in size and his face flushed over a cherry red color. “W-what?!” He shouted, loud enough that a couple of the others sitting or walking about the area turned and stared at them.  
  
Hajime waved a hand, with a sheepish smile to let everyone know to just carry on.  
  
“Which one? Which girl?” Kazuichi asked, practically drooling, looking around the room to try to spot the girl.  
  
“The red-haired one?” He asked.  
  
“No.”  
  
“The choppy-haired one?”  
  
“Dude, no.”  
  
“Thhheee….uhhhh…the dark haired one! The one with the big boobs!”  
  
“No, no, none of them. Look, okay, I lied, I haven’t slept with anyone.” Hajime said. He really hadn’t, although something in his unconscious mind felt like he had, and that’s why he had responded that way without thinking. But honestly, he was just as much of a virgin as Kazuichi.  
  
Kazuichi smiled at him smugly.  
  
“What?” Hajime asked, annoyed.  
  
“Come on, Hajimmmeee….” Kazuichi said, stretching out his name.

“No.”  
  
“Come on, please, it’s not like I’ll rat you out, I just wanna know.”  
  
“Stop it, don’t be weird.”  
  
Kazuichi stopped the taunting and gasped. “Wait, are you gay? Did you sleep with one of the guys?”  
  
“Kazuichi! No!” Hajime protested.  
  
“I’m just askin’! I’m not judging!” He said.  
  
“No.” Hajime said, putting his face in his hands. “I’m not gay. I was just being stupid, okay?”  
  
Kazuichi clearly didn’t believe him. “All right then,” He said, crossing his arms, pouting half-jokingly. “I get it. We’re not good enough friends for this talk, I see the truth.”  
  
Hajime sighed. He really didn’t have the energy for this. “Look, no, that’s not it. We’re friends.” He stood, getting ready to head back to his room because this was turning into a headache. “I just don’t have the energy right now.”  
  
“Okay, okay.” Kazuichi said, dismissively.  
  
As Hajime was walking away, Kazuichi called after him.  
  
“Was it the guy with the black hair and scar near his eye?” He called, loudly enough for everyone to hear. “That dude has a really gay vibe!”  
  
“NO!” Hajime shouted back; his face red as he could feel all eyes on him.  
  
“Suit yourself, I’m gonna keep guessing til you admit it!”  
  
* * *  
  
Hajime came home to Nagito crying, but as soon as he walked through the door he stopped, wiping the tears away and smiling as if Hajime hadn’t heard, and as if he couldn’t see how red his eyes were.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Hajime asked, trying to keep his tone soft so as to not startle the other boy into not confessing what was going on.  
  
“Nothing, why do you ask?” Nagito said, smiling, though the smile didn’t reach his eyes. It seldom did.  
  
Nagito was sitting on the couch and Hajime was standing, so in response Hajime knelt down, placing his hands on Nagito’s shoulders and looking him dead in the eye, so Nagito would know he couldn’t sneak any lies past him.  
  
“Nagito.” Hajime said, slowly. “What’s wrong?” There was almost a warning in his tone. He wanted to know what was wrong and he wanted to know right that second.  
  
Nagito was silent.  
  
Hajime knew it was difficult for him, but he couldn’t stop himself from letting his facial expression turn stern. He didn’t understand why the other boy insisted on hiding things from him.  
  
“What is it?” He asked again, trying to keep his tone calm. “Talk to me, please.”  
  
Nagito didn’t respond. He kept eye contact with Hajime before hugging him and pulling the other boy close to him.  
  
Hajime was annoyed. He just wanted Nagito to explain to him what was wrong so that he could help fix it. He let the other boy embrace him, but he didn’t hug back.  
  
“I just want to help you,” Hajime said, flatly. “I don’t want to be mad at you, I get that things are rough and I obviously can’t get mad at you for feeling what you're feeling but I want you to talk to me.”  
  
“There’s no use,” Nagito said, holding Hajime tighter. “Please just…hold me back, Hajime.”  
  
“Nagito—”  
  
“Please.” Nagito stopped him. “If you want to help me, just hold me, okay?”  
  
Hajime sighed, giving in, returning the other boy’s embrace.  
  
Nagito felt tense, but a few seconds after Hajime put his arms around him he began to loosen up.  
  
“Is this about the game?” Hajime asked after about 30 seconds of embracing him. Nagito was still holding onto him, and Hajime wasn’t letting go either now. “Because that’s over now, okay? We need to put that shit behind us.”  
  
A single mention of “the game” made Nagito tense up all over again.  
  
Hajime realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, it’s okay. Shhh.” He rubbed Nagito’s back. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t be.” Nagito said, his voice was shaking. “Please, don’t ever apologize to me, I don’t deserve it.”  
  
Hajime pulled away from Nagito and grabbed him by the shoulders again, looking him in the eye. “Stop it. Don’t say you don’t deserve it.” He said, sternly.  
  
Nagito laughed softly. But Hajime knew that nothing was funny.  
  
“Nagito, cut this shit out!” Hajime said. “I get it, what happened was fucked up but we’re not in there anymore, do you understand? I just want to be with you and forget all of that ever happened, but you make that so damn hard sometimes.”  
  
Silence washed over the two boys.  
  
Hajime felt a pit in his stomach as he watched the boy’s grey eyes fill with tears again.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Hajime apologized instantly. “God, I’m so sorry, Nagito. Don’t cry, please, what can I do?” He felt desperate. Yes, Nagito was difficult and pushed him to his limits trying to understand his motives, but having the realization that Nagito was crying because of the way he spoke to him made Hajime disgusted with himself.  
  
Nagito suddenly hugged him again, and this time Hajime didn’t hesitate to hug him back.  
  
“Seriously, what can I do?” Hajime was practically begging for an answer on how to make it up to him. “You’re already upset, and I made it worse.”  
  
Nagito shushed him and held onto him tighter, almost to the point where it was hard to breathe, but Hajime didn’t care.  
  
“Why do you love me?” Nagito asked.  
  
“Come on, you know why.” Hajime said quickly.  
  
“Why do you love me in this run-through when you haven’t in others?” Nagito asked.  
  
Hajime was quiet. “What do you mean?” Hajime tried to pull away again to look his boyfriend in the eye, but Nagito held onto him tightly.  
  
“Nagito—”  
  
“Please don’t forget me again.”  
  
“What—”  
  
“Don’t forget me, Hajime.”  
  
* * *  
  
Hajime opened his eyes. He felt groggy. He had retreated from the common space earlier that day to escape his awkward conversation with his friend Kazuichi. He awoke from a short nap noting to himself that the conversation had made him feel even more lost. It made him realize that he truly was the only one who constantly felt like he was forgetting something. Like something existed in the back of his mind, but it was locked away where he couldn't see it. Maybe he was just crazy, that had to be it.   
  



	4. Chapter 4

Who was Nagito Komaeda? Hajime went through what now seemed like a constant loop of forgetting him and then him coming back and haunting his dreams. Sometimes he haunted them through what felt like memories, other times it was cryptic, and it felt as if they were truly having a conversation. Was this part of the illness? Was Nagito someone from his past that was mostly forgotten due to illness? No. That wouldn’t make sense. Hajime had been in the hospital since he was a kid, and the “memories” he had with this boy included himself as his current age. So scratch that…there was no way these were memories. So in that case, this was part of his illness? He felt taunted by these dreams and he was always stuck between asking the doctor and keeping it locked up because something told him not to trust these people.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the nurse walking into his room.  
  
“How are you today, Hajime?” The nurse asked.  
  
“Okay.” Hajime answered, smiling at her half-heartedly.  
  
She smiled back, but notably; the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Hajime wondered if that had always been true and he was just now noticing it, or if she was just having an off day.  
  
“Nurse Ikusaba…?” Hajime asked, as she started to check his vitals as she did every day. “Have you ever had a patient here by the name of—”  
  
He cut himself off, having second thoughts if he really wanted to ask.  
  
“Hm?” She tilted her head in confusion. “What were you going to say? What’s the name?”  
  
Hajime wondered to himself why he suddenly felt so much mistrust for the medical staff that had been taking care of him for a huge part of his life. It wasn’t logical, and so he built up the courage to ask.  
  
“Uh….” He started, hesitating before relenting. “Nagito Komaeda?”  
  
The nurse stopped and seemed to mask her reaction for a half-second before thinking. “Hm…Komaeda…” She said, trying to place the name. “Not that I remember, no. Why? Who’s Komaeda? Where’d you hear that name?”  
  
“Not sure,” Hajime said, feeling uneasy for whatever reason. “Maybe I overheard someone else say the name, I don’t know.”  
  
The nurse seemed skeptical but didn’t say anything and continued to check his vitals.  
  
Despite his uneasiness, Hajime pressed on asking one more question.  
  
“Is it possible he was once a patient here? Maybe before you were on the staff?” Hajime asked, recalling that nurse Ikusaba was quite young and only started working for the Future Foundation a few years back.  
  
“I doubt it,” The nurse shrugged. “I mean the survival rate here is above average, and really the only way anyone really leaves here is through—”  
  
The nurse cut herself off, looking sheepish like she had said too much. She continued on to cover her tracks. “I mean…uh…well, realistically Hajime your illness is currently, for lack of a better term incurable, so really the only exit from this place is, well, unfortunately, death. The doctors and scientists are working to change that every day, but just…what I’m saying is, if there was ever a Nagito Komaeda, which I don’t think there was, if he’s no longer here, he’s probably dead.”  
  
She began taking his temperature as part of his daily check-up.  
  
Her eyes widened. “Hajime, you’re burning up! Do you feel sicker than usual?”  
  
“No…” Hajime said, still trying to wrap his head around her previous grim statement.  
  
“Well, this is serious. Did you get up and around yesterday?”  
  
“Well, yeah…”  
  
“I’ll be back, okay? Just relax, I’m going to have the doctor come take a look at you.”  
  
She opened the door, almost running into Kazuichi, who was about to knock. He looked a bit startled.  
  
“Oh! Miss Ikusaba, hi.” Kazuichi said, startled. “I was just coming to see Hajime.”  
  
“He can’t see anyone right now, his condition is worsening.” She dismissed him. “Come back another time, all right?”  
  
She walked off quickly to fetch the doctor. Of course, Kazuichi being Kazuichi, he ignored the nurse and stepped into the room regardless after she walked away.  
  
“Dude, what happened? You were literally on your feet yesterday.” He said, trying to keep a light-hearted tone, but Hajime could tell that underneath that he was quite worried.  
  
“I’m fine.” Hajime realized he wasn’t lying. He didn’t feel much worse than usual and feeling his own forehead, it didn’t seem hot, but maybe it was hard to tell for yourself.  
  
“Kazuichi,” Hajime said, suddenly thinking of something. “Feel my forehead.”  
  
“Ew, no, why?” Kazuichi asked, seeming repulsed.  
  
“Just do it, idiot.” Hajime said, annoyed.  
  
“Okay, okay, jeez.” He put the back of his hand against Hajime’s forehead.  
  
The two boys stared at each other.  
  
“Yup…it’s a forehead all right,” Kazuichi said, clearly confused about why he was being asked to do this.  
  
Hajime sighed. “Yeah, no shit, does it feel hot to you?”  
  
“No…?” Kazuichi said, confused. “Jesus, no need to be a prick, dude.” He removed his hand.  
  
“Okay, okay, sorry, but like—wait, did you say no?”  
  
Kazuichi looked at Hajime like he was crazy. “Yeah?” He said, a question in his voice. “…Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, that’s the problem!” Hajime said. “I feel fine.”  
  
“But didn’t Ikusaba just say—”  
  
“Yeah. She did.”  
  
There was a long silence between the two of them.  
  
“I’m sorry, Hajime.” Kazuichi said. “I don’t follow, just throw me a bone, here.”  
  
Before the conversation could continue doctor Enoshima and nurse Ikusaba came through the door.  
  
“Soda, I told you to come back another time.” Ikusaba said as the two women walked in.  
  
Kazuichi gulped. “Yeah. Okay.” He said, solemnly, the boy went to walk out.  
  
“Wait,” Hajime said, suddenly feeling himself get nervous. “I…want him here. He’s my friend.”  
  
“That’s lovely, but he can’t be here right now.” The doctor said.  
  
Hajime and Kazuichi had a conversation just through their eyes. Hajime, clearly wanting him to stay, and Kazuichi sighing because it was really out of his hands at this point.  
  
“I’ll come back, then.” Kazuichi said, still not understanding completely what Hajime was on about but getting some idea. It was clear that he felt uncomfortable walking out, but he couldn’t exactly just ignore the doctor.  
  
The doctor was already re-checking the vitals that the nurse had just taken as Kazuichi walked out of the room.  
  
“What’s going on?” Hajime asked.  
  
“The nurse tells me your health is on the decline,” Enoshima said. “I told you not to push yourself.”  
  
“All I did was walk around the common area, Kazuichi literally does that every day.” Hajime said.  
  
“Soda’s condition isn’t as critical as yours.” Enoshima said.  
  
Hajime froze for a moment.  
  
“Since when has that ever been true? I’ve literally never been told before that my condition is better or worse than any of the other patients here.”  
  
“You’re informed on a need-to-know basis.” Enoshima said, she sounded much colder than usual.  
  
Hajime stopped arguing and let himself analyze the two women, they both looked a little more frantic than usual, and they were quite cruel to Kazuichi, they both usually had a quite professional demeanor. He figured that if his condition was worse he would feel worse, but he didn’t. Had he said something that set these two off? The only thing that could have been was…  
  
“So, this is about my question.” Hajime said, slowly. “I wasn’t supposed to know about him, huh?”  
  
“About who?” Enoshima asked absent-mindedly, as she fiddled with a needle.  
  
Hajime moved his arm before she could inject him.  
  
Enoshima looked up, her eyes looking ice-cold. For a moment, she was truly terrifying, and Hajime had no idea why. He didn’t know why this situation had escalated.  
  
It was in that moment Hajime truly accepted that he was in trouble. He didn’t fully comprehend why he was, but he knew that he was. So he got desperate.  
  
“Kazuichi!” He abruptly shouted as loudly as he could, hoping he could alert his friend. He wasn’t sure what Kazuichi would be able to do if anything at all, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and he would try anything right now.  
  
As he shouted his friend’s name, the nurse put her hand over his mouth, and before he could fight either woman off of him, he felt a needle in his arm, and he almost instantly began to lose feeling in his body, his vision blurred, and then there was nothing but darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! It's finals week at my college so my updates may slow down for a bit. But I'll update when I can! I wrote this yesterday along with the previous chapter, so sorry if it's a bit short! If you can, comment and let me know what you think so far, and if you have any guesses as to what is next let me know! I love hearing speculation. :) Have a great week, enjoy!


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